Adult Chilrdren books

Wally Wibble and Bobby Bumble Foot Adventures part one

The tale of the little green creature

Little Bobby Bumblefoot and Wally Wibble were walking and whistling down Waverly Way. Bobby Bumblefoot was a bouncy kind of lad, and got on well with Wally Wibble a smiling young lad.

School holidays had begun, and there was nothing better than to play outside and enjoy the sun. While walking and whistling down Waverly Way, they turned the corner to Logan
Lane. On the corner of Logan Lane and Waverly Way little Bobby Bumblefoot noticed something strange.

It was furry and fuzzy and lying real still, on the grass to their left next to the mill.

"What the fuck is that ?" Wally Wibble enquired.
"I think it's a rat !" Bobby Bumblefoot exclaimed.
"It can't be a rat, it's tail is all wrong" Wally Wibble explained.
"Well if it's not a rat, but has a tail, perhaps it's a cat" said the clever Bobby Bumblefoot.

Indeed Bobby Bumblefoot was a clever young lad. For the fuzzy thing laying on the ground, was indeed a cat and not a rat. It didn't twitch, it didn't stir, it just lay there wrapped up in fur.

"Jesus fucking Christ !" shouted Wally Wibble, "Just take a look at that !"
"It's fistfull of maggots," replied little Bobby "and they're eating that cat !"

The maggots squirmed, the maggots slimed, the maggots fed while through the cat they climbed. Flies and ants were feasting there too while little white worms crawled through the cat's poo.

And from the cat's tummy they heard a small squeak, where something was moving and grooving wthin. The sound of drum and bass could be heard, but was so soft you couldn't hear a word.

The stomache split open with a great big bang, something tore out with claw and fang. It was short, it was green, covered in fur, eating the spleen. With black spikey hair, a shiny silver collar, this tiny little beast stood straight as a pillar. A boombox on it's shoulder, a smoke in it's left hand, this moving and grooving monster listened to the band.

It stood on the road, staring at Wally, turned it's gaze and peered at Bobby. The sounds of Dr. Green Thumb blaring so loud, the creature was scared it'd draw a crowd. It turned down the volume, put down the boombox, put on some Enya and and sat on the rocks.

Logan Lane and Waverly Way had never had something so strange. Neither had Wally Wibble nor Bobby Bumble seen something so odd. A stare of disbelief, heart racing in panic, their minds could not think, this little creature looked hispanic.

"Hello little guy." Bobby put forward.
"Hi little boy." the creature replied.
"What's your name?" Wally asked
"I'm Aaron, the Leprepharian."

Aaron had the strangest voice, like a mixture of accents and he had no choice. There was Irish and Jamaican and a hint of Smurf, he wore little white boots to stand on the turf.

Little Bobby was confused, he'd never heard of a Leprepharian. He stood and he stared, scratched his chin and his grin.

"Excuse me sir," little Bobby began, "but I need to know. I'm quite confused as to what you are."
"Well let me explain," Aaron began, "I'm short, and green and covered in fur. I've got a green top hat, and a green stick, my pants are brown and I have a little white shirt. My little green jacket has little green buttons, my little brown shoes have little brown laces. And under my hat, my hair is brown, it's dreaded and dirty and hangs to the ground. My mother was a leprechaun, my father a Rastafarian, so here I stand, Aaron the leprefarian."

"Holy shit you little cocksucker, you're stories are too long by far. All I wanted to know, was what the fuck you are." Bobby was annoyed, Aaron was annoying, Bobby hated his high pitched giggling.

Wally stood, and thought, and wondered again. If Leprechauns had gold, and Rastafarians not, then what has this little Leprafarian got ?

"Hey Aaron," Wally began, "please excuse Bobby, he's really quite rude. His parents never beat him enough as a child."
"It's okay little Wally," Aaron replied, "I know his kind, if he does it again, I'll kick his behind."
"Hey FUCK YOU you stupid little prick," Bobby exclaimed, "I'll ass rape you with a splintered broom stick."
"Shhh..." Wally pleaded, "I have a plan." He whispered in little Bobby Bumble's ear..

In secret hushed tones his idea he told, of whether or not Aaron had some gold. Bobby agreed and 'sorry' he said, Aaron was pleased and only hit him once on his head.

After some time of planning and scheming, tricky little Bobby and sneaky little Wally were ready to begin.

"Actually you know what ?" Bobby began, "I'm not really sorry. So come over here you little green bitch, I'll tear off your head and shit down your throat."
As Aaron moved forward with green stick in hand, Wally snuck around so behind Aaron he'd stand.
"Hey brother, just rest and relax. It's me Aaron, stoned to the max. Violence is fun I'll admit to that, but if you piss me off you'll end up like that cat."

With lightning speed, a move so swift, Wally threw a rock at Aaron's head.

"Aaahhhh FUCK!" Aaron screamed as he fell to the ground.
"Gotcha!" Wally screamed aloud
"HA ha ha" bobby laughed.
Aaron was knocked right out.

When Aaron awoke he was tied up, thick brown ropes held him to a chair. A bright white light shone in his face, Wally and Bobby stood behind that.

"Now tell us Aaron," Bobby began, "where is your pot of gold?"
"Gold? GOLD?" Aaron replied, "you stupid little wop. My mother was the leprechaun,she had the gold. Maybe when she's dead, the gold I'll inherit, but right now all I have is a gerrick."
"No gold!" Wally replied, "Shit, damn, holy pigfucker. So at the end of the rainbow, there is naught but air ?"
"That's not what I said," the little stoner said, "I said there was no gold. Before I left my house long ago, I stole magic seeds from my old man. I buried them at the base of the rainbow, by now they must have grown."
"Magic seeds ?" An annoyed Bobby said, "what can we do with magic seeds ? Is it like Jack and his beanstalk ?"
"No, not like Jack."
"So no castles in the sky?"
"No, no castles in the sky."
"No magic harps, no golden eggs, no giant crumbs of bread."
"No, no harps, no eggs, no giant with a great big head."
"So what is the point?" Bobby pressed on.
"These seeds are magic, they grow really fast, these seeds are special, they are really very strong. The seeds that they come from are the cannibus plant, the biggest, and most potent of the lot. I buried the seeds above the corpse of Hunter S. Thompson and good old Doctor Hoffman. It is the weed from the seed that I seek. So there is no pot of gold, there is just my pot."

Part two will continue on at a later stage. Where Bobby, Wally and Aaron begin their magical adventures seeking the base of the rainbow. Check back to www.kakfunny.com for part two when the site is officially launched.

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